


it's the season of possible miracle cures

by Lise



Series: Remember This Cold [67]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (i mean OBVIOUSLY), (or several), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, Feelings, Friendship, Loki (Marvel) Gets a Hug, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, POV Loki (Marvel), Steve Rogers Feels, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Weddings, everyone cries a little in this one, this may be the sappiest thing I've ever written and I'm sort of embarrassed but YOU KNOW WHAT, we're 700k deep into not canon compliant at this point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-04 21:16:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14601882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lise/pseuds/Lise
Summary: “I’m tired of saying wait and see,” he said. “The future is...maybe this Titan will kill us all. But I want to…” He trailed off, paused, began again. “Look. It doesn’t have to mean...anything formal or official or...or it can. If you want. But I want to have something, something to show that I’m serious. About you. About us.”Enough waiting. It's time for a wedding.





	it's the season of possible miracle cures

**Author's Note:**

> IT'S HERE YOU GUYS.
> 
> I've been planning this fic for a while, knowing it would slot in after Ragnarok, and hoping to post it on the sixth anniversary of this verse's beginning. (That's right. Six years. I've been doing this for _six years_ now.) The timing coinciding with a certain movie was just happenstance, but I'm glad it worked out. I think some of us could use a little life-affirming happiness. 
> 
> I don't have a whole lot to say here, other than a huge and heartfelt thank you: to my [beta](http://ameliarating.tumblr.com), who has edited every one of the over 700k words of this thing (and done so much more), to my friends, especially [Lena](http://portraitoftheoddity.tumblr.com), who have let me bounce ideas off of them when I was stuck in a hole of my own making, and to everyone who's commented, kudos'd, sent me asks, and generally made this thing feel less like a solitary enterprise. You're the real MVPs, here. 
> 
> Six years. Who knows? Maybe I'll be here for six more. 
> 
> Without further ado.

Loki returned to his and Steve’s rooms to find Steve looking exhausted. He paused in the doorway, frowning. “What’s the matter?” 

“I’m beginning to understand why people elope,” Steve said. Loki raised his eyebrows, and Steve shook his head. “Just...Bucky. And Sam. I’m honestly not sure who’s worse.” Loki felt his lips twitch, and Steve frowned at him. “Don’t you dare laugh. They’ll be coming for you next.”

“Coming for me?” Loki echoed.

“Apparently they’ve decided to take on the task of wedding planning,” Steve said. “I’m not sure whose idea it was, but they’re into it now. Bucky wants to know if we’d thought about having the ceremony on another planet.” 

“Did you tell him I am wanted on a substantial number of the likely possibilities?” Loki asked.

“I asked him how he thought we were going to get everyone to another planet,” Steve said. Loki huffed a quiet laugh and walked over to sit down next to Steve.

“Would you want to go somewhere else? If we could?” 

Steve paused. “Do you?” 

Loki hummed quietly, under his breath. “Maybe,” he said. “But...that isn’t really an option, is it? At least not easily. Our guest list is largely composed of wanted criminals. And there’s me, in a category all my own.” 

“Yes, you are,” Steve said, his voice teasing. Loki gave him a sidelong look.

“You know what I mean.” 

Steve’s smile faded a little. “I know what you mean.” He sighed. “I’m...sorry. I imagine this isn’t what you thought your wedding would be like.” 

Loki half smiled. “I would be married in a back alley with a drunkard for an officiant if it was with you.” 

Steve’s face pinked a little and he looked down like he was trying to hide it. “You do know how to flatter a guy,” he mumbled. 

“It’s easy when it’s you,” Loki said. Steve flushed darker and scowled at him, though without any heat behind it. A moment later he leaned over and kissed him softly. When he pulled back, his expression was so warm and fond that Loki’s chest ached. 

_What did you ever do to deserve this,_ he thought. The old fear underneath: _when will you realize that I’m not what you think I am?_

“Who’d have ever thought, huh?” Steve said, and for a jarring moment Loki thought Steve had somehow heard his thoughts. “Remember how you kidnapped me to say thank you for saving your life?” 

Loki huffed. “I wouldn’t have had to if you hadn’t called your friends down on my head.” 

“And that - crazy restaurant you took me to. Hell of a first date.” 

“I wanted to be certain you were impressed,” Loki said.

“A little overawed, really.” Steve shook his head. “Not exactly a conventional romance, huh?” 

“Not exactly.” 

“And now...here we are. Together.” Steve’s fingers interlaced with his. _I could die right now,_ Loki thought wildly, _and believe that I would be at peace._

 _Are_ you _afraid?_ He wanted to ask. _That we are reaching too far, for something we are not allowed to have?_

“It still feels...unbelievable,” Loki said softly. “Just that. That we _are_ here. That we have - made it this far.” 

Steve’s expression turned stubborn. “And we’ll make it a lot farther yet.” 

_I certainly hope so._ Loki reminded himself once again: _take what happiness you can. Seize it, hold onto it as tight as you can, refuse to let go. Defy the world to take it from you._

“I keep thinking…” Steve trailed off, and smiled a little, sadly. “I wish my Ma were here. To see this.”

Loki raised his eyebrows. “Do you think she’d approve?” 

“She’d...probably be a little overwhelmed.” Steve laughed ruefully. “I don’t know if the _other planet_ or _prince_ or... _other guy_ would surprise her more. But she was...she always told me everyone deserves kindness. Respect. Compassion. I feel like...I feel like as long as I was happy she’d approve.”

 _And you are happy?_ Loki almost wanted to ask, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to sound _that_ needy. 

“And you _are_ a charmer,” Steve added, with a bit of a smile. Loki huffed. 

“You think she would be susceptible to my wily tongue?” 

Steve’s lips twitched. “Loki,” he said, “there aren’t a lot of people you _can’t_ win over, if you’re trying.” He paused. “And she was...good at seeing people for who they were. She’d see you.” 

“In that case,” Loki started to say, with a self-deprecating smile, but Steve shook his head. 

“No,” he said. “I mean - see you like _I_ do.”

Loki felt his face warm. “I am sorry that she cannot be here,” he said, rather than trying to answer that. Steve smiled faintly.

“I like to think she knows.”

Loki wondered if Odin knew. If he was watching from storied Valhalla. What he would think of his Jotun bauble wedding a mortal. 

He shoved that thought, and all the feelings that went with it, down and away, and just leaned over to kiss the corner of Steve’s mouth. Steve turned his head and caught Loki’s lips, kissing him softly. 

“We’re really doing this, aren’t we,” Steve said, his voice soft, almost awed. A little shiver went through Loki’s body. 

“It seems we are,” he said, just as softly. He touched his thumb to the ring, its presence on his finger now familiar. “Any hesitations?” 

“No,” Steve said at once. “None.”

* * *

Ever since Loki had woken after the fall that should have killed him, he’d known he was living on borrowed time.

He’d been aware, deep down, that there was little chance that he would ever survive to claim Midgard. And after he’d failed, then he’d been running for his life. And then, and then, and then, one thing after another, and Loki had striven to look neither forward nor back. No future, no past, barely even a present.

And now he was here. With a life he’d been certain he’d never have, planning for a future he’d assumed he’d never see. 

He was terrified.

“What are you smiling at,” he snapped at Thor, whose smile only broadened as he shook his head. 

“Nothing.” 

“You’re smiling at nothing?” 

Thor huffed a quiet laugh. “At you, Loki. It is...I never expected to see the day. You fretting over your impending nuptials.” 

Loki gave him a quick, sharp, look. “Yes, I suppose that must seem incongruous.” 

Thor held up his hands. “I don’t mean to offend! I only meant that...I always thought that you would be an inveterate bachelor. You value your independence so much, and I assumed that you would see marriage as a cage.” 

A bitter corner of Loki’s mind thought _and as I was not the heir, there was less burden on me to produce children._ He wondered if Thor had considered that obligation. Or if Jane had. 

“I do so love to confound expectations,” Loki said dryly. Thor looked like he wanted to laugh. 

“Come,” he said. “Sit down. What are you so afraid of?” 

_So much, Thor. So, so, much._ “I have no idea what I’m doing,” Loki said, and paced over to drop into the chair. Thor’s smile faded. 

“What do you mean?” He paused, eyebrows furrowing. “Are you...having second thoughts?” 

“About marrying Steve? No,” Loki said, and surprised himself a little with how certain he was of that much. He was so seldom certain about _anything_ , but this...this, he knew he wanted. “It is...everything else.”

“What ‘everything else’?” 

Loki dropped his face into his hands and took a few slow breaths. 

“I can’t stop thinking,” he said finally, “that this, the moment that I...that _we_ try to claim something for ourselves...it is going to be destroyed. It will be too...too real. And therefore not safe. It feels as though...the moment something is built, the world will step forward to break it.”

“I will not allow it,” Thor said, with pure Thor bravado. Loki raised his head to give him a crooked smile. For a moment the words hovered on the tip of his tongue: _if you were capable of defying the universe, do you not think many things would be different?_

_Asgard might still be standing._

Thor regarded him, and whatever he saw, he sighed. “So what you are saying,” he said, “is that you are afraid to be too happy.”

“That’s not-” Loki cut himself off. That was it, wasn’t it? The feeling that anything good must be followed by something worse. That happiness was the prelude to an inevitable fall. That reaching out for something he wanted meant it would be snatched away, and with all that he’d managed to cling to...

It felt greedy to ask for more. And greed, inevitably, was punished. 

Thor’s smile was a little sad. “You are suspicious of good things. You look at gifts and assume they must come with a trap, a price. Maybe,” he added after a moment, “you do not think you deserve them.” 

It was uncomfortable, always, when Thor demonstrated that perception. Particularly when it was about him. 

“When did you become so wise, brother?” Loki asked, careful to keep his voice dry.

“If I tell you that you deserve this happiness, will you believe me?” Thor asked, not answering. 

“If only it were so simple,” Loki said, offering a crooked smile. Thor sighed. 

“You do,” he said. “Both of you.” _Steve, yes. Me...I don’t know._ “And maybe,” Thor added, “you think too much about what you _deserve._ I don’t think this is really about that. What do you _want?_ ”

_I have wanted a lot of things. Most of them I haven’t gotten. Many of them were terrible ideas. At least a few count among my greatest regrets._

But he knew that wasn’t what Thor meant. _I want to hold his hands in mine and swear the rest of my life to him. I want a marker, a sign, a symbol that whatever comes, what we have had was real._

“I love him,” Loki said, and could not quite look at Thor as he said it. “Of that much, I am certain.” 

“I should think,” Thor said, his voice gentle, “that would be enough.”

* * *

>

“So,” James said, rolling out his shoulders and bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Are you planning on having a bachelor party?” 

Loki gave him a quick, sidelong look, pausing in his own routine. “Pardon?” 

“Knives or no knives?” James asked. Loki gestured to indicate his indifference, and James said, “knives, then. And no holding back, right?” 

Loki summoned one of his blades, though he held it loosely at his side. “What is a bachelor party?” 

James drew his switchblade and flipped it out, rolling out his neck and shifting his stance. “It’s a party you throw the night before getting married. The groom and all his male friends go out and get wasted and...other stuff. You don’t have those in space?”

“No,” Loki said. “At least, not on Asgard. Why would you celebrate before the marriage?” 

James shrugged. “Last night of freedom? I think that’s the idea, anyway.” 

“I can’t say that _I_ feel as though I am giving up my freedom in wedding Steve,” Loki said. 

James cocked his head and pursed his lilps. “Yeah,” he said after a moment. “I guess looking at it like that is a little...weird.” 

“If it is meant to be some sort of...celebration with companions of one’s own gender, is there a corresponding ritual for women? Or others?” James eyed him, and Loki went on. “And for Steve and I - would we both go together? Or divide our mutual friends - our mutual _male_ friends - equally between us? And where would we go?” 

“You,” James said, “are no fun.” He feinted wide and attacked; Loki dodged him easily, but James caught his slash on his arm. 

“I’ve been accused of as much,” Loki said, stepping lightly back and circling. “Frequently, actually.” 

“Maybe we could go to Birnin Zana,” James said. “Wakanda’s got a new policy toward outsiders, haven’t you heard?”

“I’m sure T’Challa would be delighted with the idea of unleashing the likes of me - or you - or Clint, for that matter - on the unsuspecting streets of his capital.” 

“I suppose that’s a fair point.” James came at Loki with a flurry of blows that Loki deflected one after the other, summoning a second knife, pivoting, and going for James’s side. He slipped out of the way. “What if Sam and I just arranged one for you guys anyway?” 

“If Steve wanted to indulge in this tradition,” Loki said after a moment, “I would accede.” 

James made a face. “Apparently he told Sam the same thing. Except in less fancy wording.”

Loki half smiled. “Then I think I would have to take that as an indication that neither of us particularly desires one of these bachelor parties.” 

“Jesus,” James said. “The first wedding I actually get to attend in 70 years, for my childhood best friend, and you’re depriving me of the chance to try to get you absolutely plastered and make you dance on a bar?”

“Yes,” Loki said. James narrowed his eyes and attacked again.

“Bastard,” he said, when Loki had him pinned to the floor with a knife pressed to his spine. 

“It seems likely,” Loki said dryly, letting him up. 

“Fine, fine. No bachelor party.” James rolled out his shoulders. “You should know that Thor thought it was a great idea.” 

Loki blinked. “You’ve roped Thor into helping you plan?” James gave him an odd look. 

“We didn’t have to rope him into anything,” he said. “He wouldn’t’ve taken no for an answer. He’s your brother, Loki. What’d you think he was going to do?”

Loki supposed he really should have known that. Of course Thor would want to help. Still, it gave him the strangest warm feeling to hear it. “He didn’t mention it to me.” 

James shrugged. “Well, he’s on board. And actually got some pretty great ideas. Maybe a little extravagant.” 

Loki could only imagine. “He _does_ remember that I am no longer royalty, yes?” 

“Doubt it.” James gave Loki a crooked smile. “Look, buddy. I don’t know why you - Mr. Melodrama - are suddenly all about moderation and keeping things modest, but no one here’s going to allow it.”

That strange, warm, feeling intensified. “Is that so?”

“It’s so,” James said, with a crooked smile. “Turns out that people kind of like you and Steve and want you to have the best wedding possible. Not to mention that everyone around here could kind of use something to celebrate.”

 _You and Steve._ Loki struggled to absorb that. _You matter. You matter to them._

Loki shook his head. “Well,” he said ruefully, “I suppose I can’t stop you.” 

“Nope,” James said. “You can’t.” He cracked his neck to the side. “Another round?” 

“Why not?” Loki said. _Look around you,_ whispered a soft voice in his head. _These people. They care. About you. Not just Steve, but you._

_When did that happen? And how?_

_What have you done to deserve this?_

He had no answer to that question.

* * *

Loki intended to meet with Wanda, but when he found her she wasn’t alone. She was sitting with Jane Foster, who bounded to her feet when she saw him. For a moment he thought she was going to bolt, or possibly attack.

“You didn’t mention you and Cap - _Steve -_ were getting married!”

Loki blinked. “It didn’t seem...relevant,” he said, cautiously. Jane made a peculiar noise and looked at Wanda, who shrugged. 

“Not _relevant,_ ” Jane said, shaking her head. “That’s sort of a big deal, actually. You have to know that.” 

Loki searched for a delicate way to say _I didn’t think it was relevant to you._ Maybe it showed on his face, because hers set in the determined expression he’d begun to recognize from working with her on the Bifrost. 

“I’m with your _brother,_ ” she said. “I think I should know these things.”

“Thor didn’t know either,” Loki said, trying not to sound defensive. 

“Thor wasn’t on this planet,” Jane shot back. Wanda giggled, and Loki shot her a betrayed look. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. “But you just look so - _harried._ ” Loki’s scowl turned to a glare, and she bit her lip, plainly to keep from smiling. 

“Well - anyway,” Jane said, ire apparently quenched. “Congratulations. I’m - happy for you.” 

Loki eyed her. “Thank you,” he said cautiously. 

“Honestly,” she said. “It’s...good. Thor’s over the _moon,_ he was practically bouncing when he told me.”

Loki could picture him, and couldn’t quite hold back a smile. “Thor can be...excitable.” 

“I’ve never had younger siblings,” Jane said, “but if I did, and they were getting married, I’d probably be freaking out too.” 

Loki’s stomach did something strange, and he hastily changed the subject. “What were you and Wanda discussing, if I may ask?” 

“Book club,” Jane said promptly. When Loki blinked at her, she said, “We’re reading _Hidden Figures._ ” 

“It was Jane’s pick this month,” Wanda said. “But I’m enjoying it.” 

Loki glanced back and forth between them. “Hm,” he said, and then shook it off. “My apologies for having interrupted-”

“No, sit,” Wanda said. “I want to talk about your wedding. When is it? What’s it going to be like? Does Steve want a Catholic service? Who’s going to officiate?” 

Loki almost had to laugh. “Norns, witchling.”

Wanda looked unapologetic. “I’m just excited,” she said. “You two are just - anyone can tell how much you love each other, and everything that’s happened - oh, _damn._ ” She turned her head away, swiping at her eyes, and sniffled. Loki’s eyes widened in horror.

“Witchling-”

“It’s okay,” she said, waving a hand. “I’m a little weepy right now. It’s just...a lot.” She took a deep breath and looked back at him, and smiled. “This is my family we’re talking about. And I’ve never actually been to a wedding.”

No, Loki supposed she wouldn’t have. Her parents had died when she was young. She’d spent years on the street, alone with only her brother, until Hydra had found them. 

He felt a pang of sorrow on her behalf and pressed it down. “Well, I can’t promise anything very traditional.” 

“Of course not,” she said. “It’s you and Steve. Neither of you is exactly traditional.” 

“Who _is_ officiating?” Jane asked. “Are you - going to have someone?” 

“I don’t actually know,” Loki said slowly. “We’ve...largely delegated the planning. Or rather it has been delegated.” 

“Delegated to who?” Wanda asked. 

“I know that one,” Jane said, sounding amused. “Thor, Sam, and Bucky. Right?” 

Wanda laughed a little. “Oh, dear. I hope you get at least a _little_ bit of input.” Her eyes widened. “Oh! What are you going to wear? What do people wear on Asgard?” 

“Full armor,” Loki said. Wanda blinked, and he huffed a laugh. “I’m joking. But I don’t know that I’ll follow Aesir traditions in this.” Wanda looked almost disappointed, and Loki half smiled. “You might have to wait for that,” he said, glancing at Jane with a quirked eyebrow. She flushed, clearing her throat. 

Wanda got to her feet abruptly and hugged him hard. “I love you both,” she said, and Loki jerked, just a little. “Oh - oh no, I’m going to start crying again - I’m sorry, I’m just emotional this week-”

Something twisted painfully in Loki’s chest, but he caught himself starting to smile. 

* * *

_Frigga wants to speak with you,_ Thor had said, though at least by the sheepish expression on his face he was aware that the request might not be welcome. It was, and it wasn’t. Loki still - didn’t know what he felt. 

The secrets she’d kept - Hela, Asgard’s past - might not touch him as directly as they did Thor, but they still did. The revelation of what he was had made it so he did not know himself. This made it seem as though he did not know - had never known - his mother. 

But he lowered his guard and let her into his dreams. 

It was her garden that formed around them, vibrantly alive - the whole thing, Loki thought, dust and ashes now. 

Here, it lived. 

“Loki,” Frigga said, her smile soft.

“Mother,” Loki said carefully. He stepped toward her, summoning a smile. “Thor said you wished to speak with me.” 

“I did. I do.” She held out her hands. “Come and sit with me?” 

Loki took her hands, let her draw him over to a bench. They sat side by side in quiet. 

“You did not tell me that you and Steve were to be wed,” she said. It was not an accusation, but Loki tensed nonetheless. 

“I did not.” 

“Why?” She did not quite succeed in masking the pain in her voice, and Loki flinched, but turned his head to look at her directly. 

“Because I am angry with you,” he said. She looked away and bit her lip, an unexpected nervous gesture to see from her. 

“You have that right,” she said slowly. “But I...wish you had said. That I could have wished you both well, and offered my congratulations. How am I to give you the proper gifts, from all this way away?” 

Loki looked down, guilt aching briefly in his stomach. “I am sorry,” he said, after a moment. “It was...petty, to keep from you.” 

“Thank you.” She sighed. “I am...sorry I cannot come. Asgard needs me here, right now."

“How does she fare?” Loki asked tentatively. She gave him a very small smile. 

“She survives. Our people are strong. Disaster has bound them together more closely still. Heimdall and Sif have been invaluable aids. Volstagg seems to be trying to take every parentless child under his wing.” She cocked her head to the side. “Our princes are missed.”

Loki scoffed, a little. “Asgard has one prince.” 

“The people seem to have decided otherwise.” Frigga raised her eyebrows. “Songs have already sprung up of the valiant action of a mortal, a Valkyrie of legend, mighty Thor, and clever Loki, who defeated the Goddess of Death.” 

If he were not in a dream, Loki thought he would have flushed. “They are desperate for heroes,” he said. Frigga’s smile grew slightly. 

“Always so quick to dismiss praise, even as you seek it out.” Loki tensed, indignant, and she held up a hand. “It is not a flaw, Loki, to want recognition. I only wish you would believe that you are worthy of it.” 

“That word again,” Loki murmured. “Worthy.” 

“There is more than one way to be that.” She turned toward him, her expression serious. “Loki, I want you to know - whatever you feel toward me, I am happy for you. You are my son, and all I have ever wanted for you is for you to be happy.”

Loki looked down. “Did you ever fear I would end up like her?” He asked, after a long pause. He felt Frigga tense, and then relax. 

“No,” she said. “You were always your own.”

Perhaps that should not have mattered, but Loki was comforted. He looked down at his hands, fidgeting with each other, and forced them to still. 

“Do you think you will ever forgive me?” Frigga said, and there was something so achingly hopeful in her voice that it made Loki hurt. 

“I want to,” he said. “I think I will. I have...I think I’ve forgiven Thor.” 

“And your father?”

 _Not my father,_ some instinctive part of him wanted to say, but this time, he didn’t. “I don’t know,” he said. “Maybe I never will. He - left before I could.” Frigga closed her eyes, and nodded, and Loki added, “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize,” Frigga said softly. “Whatever I want...I might wish for it, but I cannot, or should not, tell you what to feel.” She shook herself. “This was meant to be a happy meeting.”

Loki half-smiled. “Nothing is ever simply that in this family, is it?” 

Frigga’s laugh was rueful. “Not lately,” she allowed. “But...I mean it. I am happy for you. And for Steve. And if I could be there...I would embarrass you, weeping the whole while.” Her smile was soft, gentle. “I love you. I will always love you. And I am so glad to see that you are loved. You do not need it, but you have my blessing.”

Loki struggled to speak. “Thank you,” he said, barely above a whisper. 

She leaned in and kissed his forehead. Even in the dream, he could almost feel it. Could almost smell her, familiar since he was a child hiding his face in her skirts. 

“Amma,” he said hoarsely. “I love you too. And I...if you could be here, I would want you to be.” 

The sigh she let out, the way her shoulders slumped, told him how much she had wanted to hear that. Needed to hear it, maybe. 

“Ah, Loki,” she said. “My bright-eyed magpie child. You are so _very_ brave.” 

Loki blinked. “What…?” 

“Think on it,” she said. “I want you to see it for yourself.” She stood, and opened her arms. “Tell Steve that I am honored to welcome him as another son.”

Loki stepped into her embrace. “I will.”

“Keep a watch on your brother,” she said. 

Loki raised his eyebrows. “Did you also tell him to keep a watch on me?” 

“Yes,” Frigga said without hesitation. “Isn’t that always how it has been?” 

She slipped away, claiming the last word. Loki shook his head, half smiling at the ground. Almost despite himself, something in him was soothed. She had not, he realized, asked anything of him. _I cannot tell you how to feel._

If she had needed to hear that he would want her at his wedding, maybe Loki had needed to hear that. 

* * *

Loki had never before appreciated just how much _planning_ went into a wedding. The dizzying array of choices, even _with_ most of the work being done by others, was overwhelming. And not a little exhausting. 

Though at least that meant he slept soundly. Of course, that had its own drawbacks.

“I’m yours,” Steve said. “Forever.” 

“Forever is shorter than you think,” Loki said, but it wasn’t his voice. His hand rose, gripping a knife, and he couldn’t stop it, could feel his will being pressed down, subsumed, overtaken. 

_Wanda, stop me,_ he tried to scream, but couldn’t, and it wouldn’t matter because she was dead, all of them dead, sprawled on the ground, he could see Thor staring upward with his empty eye socket gaping, and Steve--

“You can fight this,” Steve said, earnestly, full of faith. “Loki-”

The knife slashed through his throat.

Loki heard himself scream, and woke up panting, clawing the blankets off and stumbling out of bed, panting.

“Loki?” Steve said, alert, wide awake, and Loki whirled around so he could see him: whole, alive, unharmed. 

“Steve,” he gasped out, lurching over, and dragged him into a hug, shuddering. _My mind is my own. My mind is my own._

Steve’s arms went around him slowly. “Hey,” he said. “Hey, it’s okay.”

Loki shook his head, eyes squeezed closed. “I dreamt of killing you,” he said. “I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t stop myself. You trusted me and I-”

“Shh,” Steve said. “It was a dream. That’s all.”

“What if it isn’t? What if it’s a vision, what if-”

“Loki,” Steve said, his voice a little firmer, “have you _ever_ had any visions of the future?” 

“No,” Loki said in a small voice. 

“So does it seem likely that they’d start now?” 

Loki shuddered. He dug his fingers into Steve’s back. “I’m afraid,” he said, almost whispered. “Steve. I am - _terrified._ Of what may come tomorrow.” 

Steve’s breathing hitched. “Are you...do you want to put things off?” 

“No,” Loki said. “ _No._ I don’t - it isn’t a matter of not wanting this. I _do_ want this, with all my heart, with - every fiber of my being. And that is...the problem.” 

“Because wanting things is dangerous,” Steve said quietly. Loki supposed he shouldn’t be surprised that Steve would understand. 

“Yes,” he said. 

Steve pulled back a little, his smile crooked and painfully sad. “Why do you think I waited so long to ask?” He said. “You’re...well. You’re not the only one who’s terrified.” 

Loki held his breath for a long moment, then let it out in a heavy sigh. “You, too?” He said, trying to smile back. Steve laughed weakly. 

“Yeah,” he said. “I don’t...I’ve never planned for the future much. And it felt a little like trying to was the best way to make sure we didn’t have one. I never even let myself think about it. But I don’t…” He closed his eyes. “In the end, if we’re all gonna die, I want to do it with you as my partner. Officially.” He half smiled. “Or...as official as we can make it, I guess.” 

Loki’s breathing hitched. But there was...a kind of grim comfort in that. In thinking of it that way. That whatever happened, they would be facing it together. Souls intertwined, bound together.

“There is no one I would rather stand with, at the end of the world,” Loki said. Steve let out a strangled laugh. 

“Hopefully we don’t have to stand there,” he said. “Is that part of your vows, tomorrow?” 

“No,” Loki said. “I’m afraid not.” 

“Probably for the best.” Steve moved his hands to cup Loki’s face, his expression sobering. “Loki...you’re right. I do trust you. Even if you don’t trust yourself, _I_ trust you. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. If...when we end up fighting Thanos - you’ll fight him tooth and nail, every inch. And you won’t be fighting alone.” He smiled, a little weakly. “And you should know by now that I’m not that easy to kill.” 

He leaned forward and kissed Loki’s lips, then pulled back, searching his face. 

“I suppose I’ve heard that pre-wedding anxiety is almost traditional,” Loki said hesitantly, “so in that way perhaps we are perfectly normal.” 

Steve laughed. Weakly, it was true, but it was still a laugh. “I guess so,” he said. “But you know what? I’m going to go ahead and say it, and damn superstition. It’s going to be good. We’re going to have a good day, us and our friends. At least one day when nothing’s going to go wrong, except maybe someone will break a glass.” He glanced at the window. “You hear that, universe? I’m holding you to it.” 

Loki ducked his head, smiling. “You would face down the universe itself,” he said. “And you just might win.” 

“Aw, shucks,” Steve said. He dropped his hands to Loki’s shoulders and squeezed. “Come on. Let’s go back to bed.”

Loki gave him a tired smile. “I don’t think I’m going to go back to sleep.” 

Steve’s smile held just a hint of wickedness. “Sleep’s not the only thing we can do in a bed.”

Loki’s stomach warmed. He raised his eyebrows. “Why, Steve. Whatever do you mean?”

“Guess you’ll just need a demonstration,” Steve said, hands sliding down his back to his waist, lips brushing the sensitive skin just under his ear. He shivered, but pleasurably, and hummed under his breath. 

“Well,” Loki exhaled. “I think I like this idea of yours.” 

* * *

James arrived early in the morning and dragged Steve away. “See you at the wedding,” he said, with a grin that was almost worrying. Steve cast a helpless look over his shoulder that Loki answered with a smile.

Of course, Thor came to Loki not long after, beaming like he was going to crack his face in two. “Today’s the day,” he said, and hugged Loki almost hard enough to crack his ribs. “I’m so proud of you,” he said, muffled in Loki’s hair.

Loki blinked. “Proud of me?” 

“How could I not be? Look at you. Look at where you are now. I was...I was afraid you would never find peace. But you’ve found joy, and love, and friendship. And…” Thor hesitated, then drew back, placing his hands heavily on Loki’s shoulders. “I would have been happy for you, even if you had decided to do this without me. But that you waited - that you wanted me to share in this day...that means more than I can express.”

Loki’s eyes stung and he fought himself for control. _Norns,_ he thought. _You sentimental idiot,_ and wasn’t sure if he meant himself or Thor. 

“If you must call me sentimental,” Thor said, as though he’d read Loki’s mind, “you may.”

“I don’t need your permission, you oaf,” Loki mumbled, taking a deep breath and trying to summon a glare. “I can call you sentimental anytime I like, especially when it is _true._ ”

“Probably,” Thor said, smiling. “But I think I have license to it.” 

Loki didn’t have a good counter to that, and he couldn’t quite tame the smile that kept trying to tug at his own lips, or the nearly painful tightness of his chest like something was about to explode. _How am I going to live through this,_ he thought, a little ruefully. _The moment I so much as look at Steve my heart is going to burst out of my chest._

Thor puttered around, practically buzzing with energy as Loki prepared himself. Or tried. 

“I am going to forget every word of my speech,” Loki mumbled, examining himself in his mirror and tugging his long coat straight again. 

“No, you won’t,” Thor said, with utmost confidence. 

Loki shot him a baleful look. “You cannot possibly know that.”

“I know you,” Thor said. “Clever words aren’t something you typically have trouble with.” Loki shot him a suspicious look, half expecting some hidden barb, but Thor held up his hands. “Do not take insult. It’s a gift I’ve wished I had.” 

Even now, Loki’s heart still did a funny little leap in his chest when Thor complimented him. Absurd. (But he was still grateful.) “Well, I hope you’re right. I’d look quite a fool, standing there with my mouth hanging open.” 

Thor shook his head, half-smiling. “You worry too much. You always do.” 

“I think past experience has shown that I worry a perfectly appropriate amount,” Loki said dryly. 

“Perhaps,” Thor allowed, after a moment. “And I suppose trying to tell you to stop is like telling you to stop breathing.” 

“Most likely.” Loki checked his collar and turned around to look at Thor. “Well? How do I look?” 

He’d chosen to wear something more Aesir than he’d expected, after all. Ultimately...ultimately, it was a part of who he was. A long coat in black and green, a tunic underneath, black pants tucked into soft, black, boots. He’d steered away from leather, toward lighter materials - not just because of the weather, though that certainly factored into things. 

Thor’s lips twitched. “No helm?” He said. Loki scowled at him, and Thor placed his hands on Loki’s shoulders, pressing down; it was only when he did so that Loki realized how far they’d risen. “Very handsome, brother.” He grinned, abruptly. “It won’t be _you_ who is speechless.”

Loki was grateful that he didn’t flush easily. “Flatterer,” he accused. 

“I am perfectly sincere,” Thor said, smile fading, and suddenly he did look very serious. “You look like a prince. As you should.” 

Loki smiled crookedly, self-conscious. “I should, should I?” 

“Of course,” Thor said, looking Loki in the eyes, his gaze so painfully earnest. “What else should you look like?” He raised one hand from Loki’s shoulder and clasped the back of his neck, bringing their foreheads together. “You are worth far more than anything less.” 

A faint shiver rolled down Loki’s spine and he looked at Thor, very nearly lost for words. “I think perhaps you spoke too soon when you said you had no gift for clever talk.” 

“Stop that,” Thor said mildly.

“Stop what?” 

“Trying to dismiss when I give you a compliment,” Thor said. “You do it too easily, and I do not think it is something that is harmless.” Loki squirmed.

“Frigga said something similar,” he said, with a little twist of his lips. 

“Our mother has always been wise.” Thor gave his neck a light squeeze. “You could just say ‘thank you.’”

“Thank you,” Loki said, a bit hoarsely. It felt weak. Inadequate. But it seemed to please Thor. 

“You are welcome,” he said. “Now. Shall we?” 

_I’m not ready._ Loki’s heart, which had already been pattering anxiously, picked up its pace. “I suppose so,” he said, hoping his voice sounded passably even. “I don’t want to be late for my own wedding.” 

* * *

They met Steve outside, standing with James, who had both his hands on his shoulders and was saying something too quietly for Loki to hear. Looking Steve over (he couldn’t help it), something seemed different about his chosen formalwear; when it realized what it was, he startled. It was subtle, but something about the cut of his jacket, the shape of his pants, was ever so slightly…

He glanced suspiciously at Thor, who gave him a small smile and said simply, “I found a most helpful tailor. Steve requested to consult with me on the designs.”

James saw him, and grinned, whistling through his teeth. Loki narrowed his eyes at him, but only for a moment before he looked at Steve, who was turning in his direction. 

“Wow,” he said after a moment. “You’re going to show me up.” 

“Impossible,” Loki said, though he felt the back of his neck warm. “Your clothes…” 

“Yeah,” Steve said, looking down at himself, suddenly a little uncertain. “I thought...I remembered you’d said you wanted to see me in Aesir formalwear. I know this isn’t quite it, but…”

A laugh bubbled up in Loki’s chest. “You remember my saying that?” 

“I remember a lot of things,” Steve said, relaxing.

“Okay, lovebirds,” James said dryly. “Let’s go, or people are going to think you’ve been kidnapped. Again.”

Loki steadied himself. _What are you so afraid of,_ he chided himself, only for his brain to immediately provide him with a long list of everything that could go wrong. 

“I never asked,” Loki said to James. “How _did_ you and Sam resolve your...dispute over who was to be Steve’s witness?” 

“His best man?” James said. “Rock, paper, scissors.” 

“Sam told me it was because someone had to officiate and you were worried you’d get too choked up,” Steve said.

“Wilson’s a dirty liar,” James said easily, his spirits apparently undampened. “Are we going to have to drag you?” 

“No,” Loki said firmly, glancing at Steve. “That will not be necessary in the least.”

The smell of the flowers as they came close made Loki’s heart ache. For all the differences, there had always been something in this green to remind him of the solace he’d once had in Frigga’s gardens - but he pushed that pang away. It was still there in dreams. And her gardens were not the only gardens in the Nine. Wherever Asgard found her new home, there would be growing things there. 

But that was all far away. He wanted to be here, and now, to seal every moment of this day in memory, forever. 

“Give me your ring,” Thor said, and Loki looked at him, startled, curling his hand defensively away. 

“What?” 

“If you’re going to exchange them,” Thor said, sounding a little amused, “you can’t have them on, already.” 

A part of Loki thought of Njord and he still wanted to object. But he took a breath and pulled it off, handing it over. Thor closed his hand around it.

“You’ll be exchanging the one you’ve been wearing for the one Steve has been wearing,” Thor said. “I understand you’ve already enchanted them?” He sounded a little reproachful, like he thought Loki should have waited. 

“Fortunately,” Steve said. “We might not’ve gotten him back from Amora otherwise.” His voice was clear, but Loki still caught his slight shiver, and drew closer. 

“Ah well,” Thor said, though Loki still thought there was some regret, seemingly at having missed the enchanting itself.

Loki could see the gathering of people ahead: small, but sizeable enough. Heads were turned looking at them as they approached, and Loki nearly quailed; as if he sensed something, Thor placed a hand between Loki’s shoulder blades, steadying him. 

“We’ll meet you at the front,” Thor said. “Stand tall, brother.”

He pulled away. Loki took a deep breath, glancing sideways at Steve. “Well,” Steve said, sounding a little breathless. “I suppose it’s time.” 

Loki reached out and took his hand. “Together,” he said softly. Someone struck up music. Sam, standing at the front and facing them, raised his eyebrows as if to say _go on, then._

They walked. Almost his whole life, Loki thought, was gathered here, in a few rows of chairs, in the man beside him and Thor and James standing ahead, the former beaming like his face was going to crack in two. And already crying. _Norns, Thor,_ Loki thought, but with a desperate kind of fondness. 

They reached Sam, who cracked a small smile. “I don’t think I’ve seen either of you look this nervous even in the face of certain death,” he said. Steve laughed weakly, but Loki saw him relax. “Turn around,” Sam said. “Face your audience.” 

Steve’s eyebrows twitched. “I’m not great with audiences,” he said, but he turned, and Loki with him. He caught himself scanning faces for judgment, or anger, or... _something,_ but couldn’t find it. Even Valkyrie, who barely knew anyone here (and yet was here anyways); even Jane, who still had no reason to care for him beyond for Thor’s sake. Even _Clint,_ who had reason to hate him more than anyone else here. 

His heartbeat thrummed like a rabbit’s.

“So,” Sam said. “Here we are. I’m not a minister - obviously - but then this isn’t a traditional wedding, either. You all know why we’re here. Pretty sure this is the first superhero wedding.” Loki thought he covered his slight twitch, but Sam glanced at him and said, “yeah, you heard me. 

“There’ll be time for toasts and speeches later. I figure it’s good enough for now to just say: finally.” Sam’s smile, and his eyes, were warm. “I know you both wrote your own vows. So...the floor’s yours.” 

Thor stepped forward and pressed the ring into Loki’s hand, giving his shoulder a brief squeeze. He saw James doing the same for Steve. For a moment they just stared at each other, wordless. 

“I’ve been thinking for a while about what to say now,” Steve said, after a moment. “It’s been...not easy. There’s a lot I _want_ to say and don’t know how. But I guess it’s really...when it comes down to it, it’s pretty simple.” He took a deep breath. “Loki, I love you. So much it - still surprises me, sometimes. And that’s why I’m here. Because I look at you and I know I--” 

Steve broke off, and Loki felt a burst of terror when he saw the tears in his eyes. “It’s fine,” Steve said quickly. “It’s fine, just…”

Steve took a deep breath. “God,” he said, swiping a hand across his eyes. “Sorry. Um-” He cleared his throat. “Loki...I don’t see the best of you because I love you. I love you because I see the best of you. Because you’ve stood with me and given me - a thousand things I never thought I’d get to have. Because of the way you duck your head when you smile like you’re worried someone might see, and the way your eyes light up when something catches your attention. 

“I kind of figured - I was never going to be standing here. With someone I loved, that I want to spend the rest of my life with. To have and to hold. In joy and in sorrow. To love and to cherish.” Steve blinked rapidly, and smiled even though there were tears on his face. “All the days of my life. If you’ll have me.” 

He was going to die. Right here, right now, he was going to burn up trying to hold everything he was feeling. His inhale shook. “I will. Of course I will.” 

The ring slid easily onto Loki’s finger. However briefly it had been gone, he was glad to have it back. But now...he swallowed, as hard as he could, wishing he’d spoken first. The words he’d so painstakingly recognized, recited in his mind - for a moment they were gone. 

But he didn’t really need them, did he? 

“Thor said, recently,” Loki said, and was surprised by how clear his voice sounded, “that he thought I would never wed, because I would not want to give up my independence.” He saw Thor wince out of the corner of his eye, and tried not to smile. “But I do not feel as though I am giving up - anything at all. And what I am gaining is - beyond measure. Beyond words.

“You know well that I do not...trust easily. But I trust you. The whole of my heart - is yours. Has been yours, for some time, and you have held it so gently. Through everything. The strife and the pain and...all of it. You give me hope. For the world. For myself.” He took a deep breath, and blinking, the tears spilled over. He kept his eyes locked on Steve, just Steve, imagining that it was just them, together. 

“I have realized that - it doesn’t matter where I am. Home, Steve, is where you are. 

“I would stand with you through the end of the world. Will you stand with me?” 

Steve’s smile trembled, slightly. “I will. I do.”

Loki took Steve’s hand, brought it to his lips, and placed the ring on his finger. Steve’s thumb moved to touch it, as though to confirm it was really there. His eyes were wide and so very blue. So very beautiful. 

Loki could hardly breathe.

“Does anyone want to object?” Sam asked. Loki knew it was formula, but some part of him still froze, waiting, _waiting_ for someone to raise a cry, to say _this is wrong,_ for an attack to come and shatter everything. 

There was silence.

“Well?” Sam said, quiet and a little hoarse. “Go on, then.”

They kissed like they were never going to come up for air. In truth, Loki wasn’t sure he ever wanted to leave this moment. He could stay here, forever, frozen in amber.

* * *

They didn’t stay, of course. The opposite: Loki felt caught up in a whirlwind, mind spinning. At least three people embraced him - he was fairly sure one was Wanda, and one was _definitely_ Thor, but he wasn’t entirely sure about the third. Glasses were passed around, filled with bubbly alcohol. He sniffed it carefully, and Sam patted him on the arm. 

“Sorry,” he said. “Nothing you’re going to get drunk off. Least not yet. There’s going to be a _lot_ of toasts, and we didn’t want anyone to get falling down wasted too early.”

He moved on when Loki was still thinking, _a lot of toasts?_

“Okay,” Sam said, tapping a fork against a glass. “I hope you all came prepared. Keep it short, keep it sweet - ish, some teasing allowed. Who’s going to start?” 

“Me,” James said, already on his feet. “I’ll go. Don’t worry, Steve, I’m not going to try to embarrass you.” His smile was toothy; Loki thought if he was Steve that he would not find it comforting. 

“I’m not much of one for talking about ancient history,” James said. “But I guess that’s kind of the thing to do, right? When I first met Steve he was a scrappy little guy who didn’t know how to walk away when he saw someone getting fucked over, even when it meant getting his face pounded in. So...not a whole lot has changed, except for the ‘little’ bit. And it’s harder to break his nose, now.

“Then there’s this guy,” James said, gesturing in Loki’s direction. “The first time I met Loki he threatened to rip off my arm and beat me to death with it if I hurt Steve. Gonna be honest with you, Steve: when I found out he was the guy you’d shacked up with, first thing I thought was ‘oh, good, so someone’s looking out for him.’

“Took me a little longer to realize he wasn’t the only one who needed looking out for.” James gave Loki a wry half smile. “A lot of things are fucked up. A lot of things are probably going to keep being fucked up in the future. But this isn’t. Sure, still seems a little unbelievable that _little Stevie’s_ getting married, but, hey. If anyone deserves a little happiness, I’d vote for you.” He tipped his glass, very slightly, and sat down.

Wanda spoke a moment later, while Loki was still trying to formulate a response. “I haven’t known either of you very long,” she said, almost apologetically, “but I don’t - it doesn’t feel that way. You’re not just friends - as far as I’m concerned, you’re family. Loki - you’ve taught me so much about magic. Helped me not to fear what I can do. Steve - from the beginning you opened your heart to us. Believed in us.” She glanced sideways, briefly, at Pietro. “And you’ve been together through all of it. Through good and ill. If that isn’t...if that isn’t love, I don’t know what is. This wedding is just...a ceremony marking something that was already real. But I’m still glad I was here to see it.” Her smile was a little tremulous, and she looked like she might start crying. “To you both.”

“Witchling,” Loki said, before he could call it back, and then just dropped his eyes and drank. Steve took his hand and squeezed. 

_I don’t deserve this,_ the thought whispered into his mind. _I don’t deserve these people, or this feeling, or any of this-_

_Maybe it doesn’t matter what you deserve._

“All right,” Sam said. “My turn.” 

Norns, Loki didn’t know how much more he could take of this. _You are afraid to be too happy,_ Thor had said, and maybe he was, or maybe he just wasn’t _made_ for it, because just now, he thought he would burst.

“Half the time I don’t know if the two of you are ridiculously lucky or ridiculously _un_ lucky,” Sam said. “But at least right as of this moment I’m coming down on the side of ‘lucky’. I mean, look. Two gorgeous people hopelessly in love with each other. Damn. Sure, one of you is an alien prince and the other one’s Captain America, and all the guests here are superheroes, but…” He spread his hands in a kind of _what can you do_ gesture. Loki couldn’t help a brief huff of a laugh, and glanced over at Steve, who was smiling. 

“Not everyone can say they’ve officiated a wedding like this. In fact, I’m pretty sure nobody else can, at least not so far. And I’m really glad to be the first, and I’m _really_ glad it’s you. 

“I remember when Steve and I were first getting to know each other - pretty chaotic time, right, but I still heard a lot of ‘my partner’ - though first I got the ‘really good friend’ line. We all know how good Steve is at bluffing, so...put that one together pretty quick.” Loki glanced at Steve, who was turning a little pink now. 

“Anyway,” Sam said, “it wasn’t hard to tell that Steve was over the _moon_ about this mystery guy. _Wow,_ I thought. _Must be really something._

“And, well. I wasn’t wrong.” Sam glanced at Loki with a half smile. “Not that Loki makes it easy. Aw, hell no. But I’m going to call it worth it. Just like it was worth it to spend a couple days talking Steve out of backing out of proposing because he couldn’t figure out how to build a Tunnel of Love with his bare hands.” 

Loki gave Steve a quizzical look, but he had his face in his hands. Sam grinned. 

“Bucky said he wouldn’t embarrass you. _I_ didn’t make any promises. But I think I’ve said enough. To Steve and Loki.” 

“You almost backed out of proposing because of what?” Loki asked Steve in a low voice. 

“I’ll tell you later,” Steve mumbled, giving Sam a half-hearted glare.

Clint stepped forward.

Loki blinked, tensing. He tried not to show it on his face, already imagining how he would react to whatever he might say. He wouldn’t be _rude,_ surely, not when Steve was here, but there were plenty of ways to insult someone with all the appearance of politeness. Mostly, he and Barton had dealt with their... _difficulty_ by means of mutual avoidance. 

“If anyone’d told me when I was a kid that I was going to be at Captain America’s wedding,” he said, “I would’ve said they were crazy. And…” He made a sort of laughing noise. “If anyone’d told me, not that long ago, that I was going to be at Steve’s wedding to _Loki,_ I - well, I might’ve punched them in the face.” 

He glanced at Loki, then, raising his glass in his direction with a wry, crooked smile. Like it was a joke that they shared. 

“Well - here I am. And, okay, I’m not crying buckets like some people I could name-” He looked pointedly over at Thor, “but...it’s good. Steve - you’re the best team leader a guy could ask for, and a damn good friend. I’ve never regretted following you, and I’m...glad to be here today.” He paused, and for a moment Loki thought he was done, but then he looked at Loki, the corner of his mouth lifting very slightly. 

“I don’t think the Avengers - or whatever we are now - have a ‘most changed’ award, but if there were, I’d give it to you. Like I said, I never would’ve expected to be here. But it’s...good to be surprised.” He lifted his glass in Loki’s direction. You make Steve happy. Far as I’m concerned...that’s one of the highest recommendations there is. Congratulations.”

Loki swallowed hard, trying to force down the sudden lump in his throat. He met Clint’s eyes, as squarely as he dared, and tried to think, _thank you._

It was a debt that would never be paid. And he doubted it was forgiveness. But it was...something. Some slight weight, a little eased. 

Thor cleared his throat. He had plainly, visibly, already cried. 

“How can I express my joy at seeing two of my dearest people joined together today?” He asked. “How can I possibly say, in mere words, how beautiful a thing this is? Steve - I am honored to have gained you as a brother. Your friendship has been a gift to me throughout my time on Midgard.”

He turned, and his eyes were shiny, damp. Loki’s started to sting. “Loki. My brother. You have fought so hard to come to this day, and I hope you know - I hope you feel how beloved you are. By Steve. By me. By others who stand here, with the two of you. 

“After everything…” Thor took a deep, somewhat unsteady breath, tears leaking from his shining eyes, and it was all Loki could do not to answer them with his own. “After everything, to see you here, now, today - it feels worthwhile. And I am grateful to be here to see it.” He raised his glass. “ _Skál._ May your bond grow as deep and as strong as the roots of Yggdrasil.” 

_Ah, Thor,_ Loki thought, swallowing hard around the lump in his throat. 

_I was a fool to ever think I could cut you out of my heart._

Steve took a deep, slightly uneven breath. “I think maybe we should eat,” he said, his voice a little wobbly. “Before everything gets cold.”

“Hear, hear,” Sam said, raising his glass. “Someone want to pass the wine? I could use a refill.” 

“Careful there,” James said. “Lightweight.” 

“Shut up,” Sam said. Something loosened. Lang reached over for the roast and started helping himself. Thor reached out and squeezed his shoulder, his smile a little wet. 

“How are you feeling?” Steve asked quietly, leaning toward him. Loki gave him a small smile. 

“What do you think?” 

“I’m thinking I asked you,” Steve said. Loki leaned over, not letting himself think, and kissed him lightly. 

“How am I feeling?” He asked. “As though I am dreaming. And as though I want to hold every moment of it in memory, sweet as spun sugar.” 

Steve’s smile was painfully gentle and even more painfully fond. “Want me to pinch you?” He asked. “To prove you’re not dreaming?” 

“Not at the table,” Loki said, with a little lift of his eyebrows, and Steve let out a startled laugh that made Loki’s heart jump in his chest.

“Hey,” said a quiet voice, from the entrance to their makeshift pavilion. “Someone told me this was where the party was?” 

Clint swiveled around like a top, lurching to his feet. Steve turned as well, his eyes widening, and Wanda rose to her feet. 

Romanov looked...uncertain. It was not something he associated with her. She’d cut her hair short again - shorter even than the first time he’d seen her, and looked tired, dressed in jeans and a light linen shirt. She smiled her crooked smile, still hovering there, on the threshold. 

“Nat,” Clint said. “ _Jesus._ Where the _hell_ have you been?” 

“On sabbatical,” she said, her voice dry, but Loki recognized her posture. Poised, ready to move - in other circumstances, he would have said _to attack,_ but he thought...not. She was braced for rejection. To be turned away. 

He leaned back, very deliberately, and raised his eyebrows. “You do have a sense of dramatic timing, don’t you,” he said, keeping his voice as dry as hers, but casual. “You missed the ceremony.” 

Her eyes locked on him. “I didn’t get an invitation.” 

Loki shrugged. “It must have gotten - what’s the phrase? - lost in the mail.”

Her lips twitched very slightly. 

“Aw, fuck this,” Clint said, and hopped over the table to give Romanov a hug. “Took you long enough.”

The dam broke. Loki stayed sitting and watched her welcome with a crooked smile. Steve stood up, then leaned down and kissed his cheek. “Thank you,” he said. Loki frowned at him.

“For what?”

Steve just smiled before turning and walking over to Romanov. 

Loki didn’t follow. It wasn’t his welcome to give. But for once...for once, that thought didn’t come with resentment. 

Perhaps he was growing up.

* * *

He kept expecting the illusion to break. 

The ceremony was over, the celebration barely beginning, and Loki kept thinking that it was all going to vanish. That someone was going to appear to laugh at him for thinking that this was something he could have. 

But nobody did, and Loki slowly, slowly, let that fear go. 

By the way Steve kept touching his arm, turning to look at him, standing close by, Loki wondered if he was thinking the same thing, but when he looked at Loki his eyes lit up and he smiled. Loki thought his heart would burst, looking at it. 

“Hey,” Steve said, touching him on the back of the shoulder. “I’m gonna go thank Sam. Be right back.” He leaned over and kissed Loki’s cheek, slipping away. Loki caught himself smiling stupidly after him. 

For a moment, he was alone.

Over there, Wanda was standing with Valkyrie and laughing; Thor looked like he was trying not to. Jane was returning to them balancing a couple glasses of champagne, and by her gait she might already be a little tipsy. Clint was telling Scott and Pietro a story that involved wild hand-gestures, Romanov standing next to him with a small smile on her lips, though he could feel her hesitation. Steve was talking to James and Sam, their heads bent together; James threw his back and laughed. 

All these people gathered together. Because of Steve. No, not just Steve: because of _him._ Their joy beat against him in waves and Loki was suddenly dizzy, his heart beating too quickly. 

He set down the half-empty glass he was holding and turned quickly, drawing a cloak of unnoticeability around him and slipping away. He walked until the sound of voices quieted behind him, and sat down, bending over and fighting to slow his fast and shallow breathing. 

It was just. So _much._ He was feeling too much, overwhelmed by it all, by the truth of it. So real he was afraid it would vanish like a mirage, he would blink and be back in the Void, or with Thanos, or with Doom. 

He knew it wouldn’t, though. He was here, _really_ here. 

He’d never been so happy, and it felt like he was panicking. 

“Loki!” Steve’s voice, calling his name softly. “Loki?” 

He unveiled himself, and the look on Steve’s face as he approached was one of naked relief. “There you are,” he said. “You vanished-” He cut off, relief fading. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” Loki said weakly, and when Steve just looked at him, he looked away. “It was just...too much. All of a sudden. I couldn’t…” He trailed off, feeling impossibly stupid. And selfish.

Steve walked over, slowly, and sat down beside him. “What was too much?” 

Loki struggled for words. “When I first went worldwalking...I stood between worlds and looked out, and for the first time I understood the enormity of the universe. Its vast expanse, its cold beauty, its indifference and its glory. I remember feeling...diminished. Humbled, by something that was so much more than me. And at the same time, like all that immensity was flowing into me, filling me with ecstasy until I almost believed I could fly. I couldn’t breathe. I could only stand there, awed, humbled, surrounded by the music of the universe singing through me and around me…” He trailed off, and cleared his throat. “It’s a little like that.” 

“Oh,” Steve said after a moment. “I...understand.” 

Loki blinked. “You do?” 

“Well - not the exact metaphor,” Steve said, flushing slightly. “But that feeling - awed, humbled, overjoyed, seems like your heart’s going to burst - I understand.”

Loki looked at him sidelong, and Steve smiled at him, almost shy. “Not that long ago, I thought I’d lost everything. And I’m here, surrounded by - the weirdest, best, people I know. And I’ve got you.”

He leaned over, shoulder butting against Loki’s. Loki took Steve’s hand, interlacing their fingers, and closed his eyes, breathing gradually slowing. 

“We should go back,” Steve said eventually. “People are going to notice we’re gone. They’ll worry.” 

“Or they’ll assume we’ve gone to otherwise occupy our evening,” Loki said, raising his eyebrows. Steve flushed, giving him a look. Loki couldn’t help a flicker of a smile. “Just a moment,” he said, more seriously. “I just want to sit here for a moment longer, if that’s all right.” 

“That’s all right,” Steve said. He gave Loki’s hand a light squeeze. He closed his eyes again, breathing deep, and then opened them, looking up at the sky, the stars starting to emerge. 

_You can’t have this, you cold-hearted Fates,_ Loki thought, almost vicious. _You can’t take this. Not from Steve. And not from me._

_Even if I die. Even if we all die._

_We will have had this._

_That’s ours. Forever._


End file.
